1. The illness I live with is: depression & anxiety. Most doctors don’t bother to put a specific label on it (they just give me some pills and recommend that I see a therapist), but in the last 20 years I’ve done a lot of reading about depression, and at various times I could have qualified for diagnoses of: episodes of major depression (clinical depression), chronic depression (dysthymia / dysthymic disorder), cyclothymia (cyclothmic disorder), SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder.)
2. I was diagnosed with it in the year: Anxiety in 1988, Depression in 1989, Infertility in 2005.
3. But I had symptoms since: Depression since 1986 at least, probably earlier.
4. The biggest adjustment I’ve had to make is: remembering to take my antidepressant pills daily!
5. Most people assume: I don’t care about anyone but myself. The truth is, I don’t write or call my grandmother, mother, etc very often because I don’t want to expose them to my crappy mood!
6. The hardest part about mornings are: getting the motivation to leave the bed.
7. My favorite medical TV show is: (none, I don’t watch medical TV shows)
8. A gadget I couldn’t live without is: Seriously, “I couldn’t live without?” I think I could manage to live without ANY gadget. Although a good knife is certainly a handy tool that I use often. I do enjoy having my laptop & tablet to access the internet, but I could certainly live without them. I already lived without TV for several months at a time, it was not that bad. And I really do not like having a cell phone interrupting me all the time!
9. The hardest part about nights are: going to bed at a reasonable time, and then staying asleep.
10. Each day I take __ pills & vitamins. (No comments, please). Three antidepressant pills (all the same kind) and generally zero vitamins. In the recent past, I had 3 of one kind in the mornings, and 2 of a different kind of antidepressant in the evenings. I am also supposed to take a mega-dose of Vitamin D once a week, but I often forget.
11. Regarding alternative treatments I: know that I should get more sunshine & exercise, they DO help me a lot. I would like to try massage on a regular basis. I wish I could remember to do meditation (my previous therapist had me do guided meditations in her office, and it was helpful, but I forget to do it on my own.)
12. If I had to choose between an invisible illness or visible I would choose: VISIBLE! A missing leg or even diabetes, people can understand… but a mental illness is completely misunderstood.
13. Regarding working and career: I enjoy working with the public part of the day (and I am good with people) but I also enjoy the peace of having some time “in the back” or “behind the scenes” for part of the day.
14. People would be surprised to know: that on any given day, I have no particular desire to be alive. I don’t actively want to die, but I wouldn’t care if I did die.
15. The hardest thing to accept about my new reality has been: that apparently the depression will never really go away.
16. Something I never thought I could do with my illness that I did was: ????
17. The commercials about my illness: The one with the cloud of depression that follows the woman is very accurate about how I feel. Also, the one with the woman who has to “wind up” to keep going all day.
18. Something I really miss doing since I was diagnosed is: The symptoms of depression (sadness, hopelessness) make it difficult for me to be socially active (sometimes I just don’t feel like going to the trouble of leaving the house, sometimes I feel overly self-critical and I don’t want my friends to see me looking so fat or with a pimple, etc.)
19. It was really hard to have to give up: my desire to be a mother. Even if we could conquer the infertility (or adopt), I just don’t think I could take care of a child properly, when I can’t even manage to take care of myself and my pets properly.
20. A new hobby I have taken up since my diagnosis is: Nothing in particular, hobbies come and go throughout a person’s lifetime, it doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with health.
21. If I could have one day of feeling normal again I would: I dunno, I have my moments, perhaps even days, when I feel normal and I enjoy life. But the depression always returns sooner or later.
22. My illness has taught me: that not all “mental illnesses” mean you are crazy.
23. One thing people say that gets under my skin is: “Just snap out of it!” or “Go get a job and you’ll feel better” or “You can always adopt.” Seriously folks, if it was that easy I would have already done it! :-)
24. But I love it when people: invite me to do things with them.
25. My favorite motto, scripture, quote that gets me through tough times is: I wish I could remember one, I used to have a few posted on my cubicle at work, but I’m not working anymore so they are packed away somewhere.
26. When someone is diagnosed I’d like to tell them: Just because depression is classified as a “mental illness” does not mean that you are crazy.
27. Something that has surprised me about living with an illness is: how on some days I can read scientific/technical things and understand them just fine, and on other days I can’t concentrate enough to make much sense of it.
28. The nicest thing someone did for me when I wasn’t feeling well was: Some friends gave me a birthday party. They baked a cake and invited our other friends, and some of their neighbors (who I didn’t know, but enjoyed meeting), and I had a really good time.
29. I’m involved with Invisible Illness Week because: the “30 things” meme sounded interesting.
30. The fact that you read this list makes me feel: I hope that you learned something about “invisible illnesses.” They are all very different.
To read more about invisible illnesses, see http://invisibleillnessweek.com/submit-article/30-things-meme/
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